Mommy I Have to Tell You Something

We were sitting in the car waiting for my husband to come out of the local wine shop when Mattie pulled the back of my hair and said “Mommy I have to tell you something.” Any parent, teacher, aunt, grandparent, babysitter, pretty much every human who has ever spent more than a few minutes with a toddler knows that there is nothing good at the tail end of Mommy I have to tell you something. I braced myself for, I am going to puke or I just ripped the tail off of the hamster. Instead, Mattie said, last night when Luna spent the night she convinced me to stick my foot in the toilet. I turned around. “Into the clean toilet, right?” Ella made a well timed entrance into the discussion. “It had poop and pee in it. Fuck (that was the bubble coming out of out my head). “Why on earth did you stick your foot in a toilet filled with poop and pee?” She looked up at me placidly. “I sort of wanted to see how it felt on my foot.” “How poop and pee felt on your foot?” She nodded. Ella chimed back in. “I told her not too and I told her to wash it when the poop got stuck to her toes. I’m going to stop this one right here as it has clearly already gone well beyond any reasonable line of TMI. We are on our way home to bleach Mattie’s feet.